Reality TV?!
I hate to sound like an old man but I miss the television of my youth and I want my MTV back!!! Reality television makes me freakin’ sick!!! I don’t care who the next American Idol is, who is raising sextuplets, or who is raising 18 god damn kids or who needs a make over or who is looking for true love by dating a dozen whores and morons every week. Television is just so fucking confusing even the history channel has deviated from its identity with shows about monsters and UFOs… shouldn’t that shit be on the SCI-FI channel?!
Has anyone seen that show with the Duggers? I think the show is called 18 plus or something. They are members of some ultra-conservative sect. They don’t drink or swear and their style of dress would put them on the cover of Mennonite Monthly. Apparently the only earthly pleasure they indulge in is banging! Banging is only for the married however, which means Mr. / Mrs. Dugger are the only ones having any fun. I haven’t watched it much but, clearly based on the number of children, Mr. Dugger doesn’t believe that ‘oral is moral’ nor does he use the old spray and pray method of birth control. Nope Mr. Dugger clearly has his wife’s vagina confused with a clown car and wants to see how many little people he can get to fall out of it! I’ll bet you that shit is like ground zero… a real disaster area. The only reason to watch that show every week is to see if this is the week that Mrs. Dugger is gonna sneeze and drop her damn uterus right on the floor! I would much rather watch re-runs of 8 is Enough then watch these idiots!
How about the Asian Dude who is married to the screeching bitch that had sextuplets? What was that douche bag thinking about?! They had twins… his life was over then… so lets go take more fertility drugs so we can have just “one” more baby! Asshole no one ever has just one kid on fertility drugs. So the dad lives with 8 screaming god damn kids and a wife that emasculates him every week on TV in front of the whole damn planet. So recently they take up valuable news time to tell the world that they found this bastard leaving a bar with some woman while his wife was away. SHOCKER!!! Stop wasting the world’s time with this shit. That isn’t news and it sure isn’t a surprise. Wait until he sets fire to the house then shoots himself on the front steps of the local TV station before you waste my f*cking time with that bullshit! This dude is like the guy who was married to Aunt Ester on Sanford and Son! He is one broke balled son of a bitch and one of these days he is going to fucking snap! Give me Good Times any day over this crap!
How about Rock of Love?! What a hoot!!! Twenty Syphilis ridden wenches fighting for the true love of some soft ass glam rock idiot with a hair weave from the 80s. Really?! Is this what replaced music videos? He wants true love so he is looking for that from some skank who wants to ride on his tour bus and be a glorified groupie?! If true love could be found in groupies wouldn’t true love have happened for the dick back when people actually listened to his music?! Good plan… all he is going to end up with is a burning case of herpes and an alimony payment to some whore named “Precious.”
I said at work the other day that I didn’t understand why this whole reality TV thing is so popular and some dude I work with said; “Dude, its the unpredictability of it all… real life is unpredictable.” So I was like yeah your right… I was watching an episode of American Chopper the other night… it was the one where the dad and son were arguing and fighting and then they weren’t sure if they were going to finish the bike on time but in the end they pulled it off. Oh wait… that’s every freakin’ week!!! Unpredictable my left ass cheek!!!
Out of respect for Public Enemy and their impact on the world of music I am not even gonna start on Flavor of Love! But I am certain that somewhere out there Chuck D is thinking; “Dis Mutha Fucka!” when he sees Flavor Flav doing his thing. How did he go from ‘Fear of a Black Planet’ to I Love New York?! Jesus! As if that wasn’t bad enough Run of Run/DMC has his own reality show and more recently MC Hammer has gotten his own show. Isn’t anyone keeping it real anymore or are they all keeping it Reality TV for the $$$?! It breaks a man’s heart.
But what I don’t understand is how some of these retards who are contestants or role players on one show end up with their own shows?! They are ‘characters’ on reality shows and they get their own shows??? Their only talent is that they have an ability to be total assholes on TV and don’t let a little thing like self-respect get in the way of that so they get their own shows?! Take me back to the good old days of TV spin-offs when Happy Days created Lavern & Shirley and Mork from Ork!
Thank god for Family Guy this is the only real TV show left on the planet. Family Guy actually changed my life for the better because I realized maybe my own life is ok. Big Dirty is not a hater but I think I should have my own show “Big Dirty: The Daily Life of a Classic Underachiever!” Who wouldn’t want to watch me drink 20 beers in my underwear and search for true love on the internet?! Something to think about…
How about this new show coming out in the fall? More to Love. It is the Bachelor meets Biggest Loser…. http://news-briefs.ew.com/2009/03/overweight-dati.html. May not be as popular as Daisy of Love, but yet another reality show!
A guy I played football with was trying to get me to gain a few more pounds so we do the Biggest Loser together as team mates. Too Funny!
I think you have a secret like for “The Duggers”~ Ultimately, you are fascinated by the fact that sex is the only form of entertainment they have! lol It forces you to ponder the question~ Would I give up alcohol to have sex all the time? LOL
MTV came out on cable my first year in college (dude, I’m ancient!) and it was only “rock ‘n roll, man.” lol I was secretly in love with the permed hair of Mark Goodman and I wanted to BE Martha Quinn. It makes me sick to see what it has turned into today.
I couldn’t agree with you more about reality t.v. though I do watch Survivor and Big Brother~ what can I say? Maybe it’s okay in moderation…
Another great blog entry, keep ‘em coming!
Why give up alcohol or sex when I have both already?! Granted I spend most of the time doing both activities alone but its all good!
Rock videos what are they?! Do they have those things? I do watch Deadliest Catch so I guess I am guilty as well!
Maybe if your name was Big YUMMY instead of Big DIRTY you wouldn’t have to fly solo so much?? And yes, I’m called Little FIESTY for a reason. Many and varied reasons, actually
One can only imagine why… but anyone who has read some of your posts would know that ‘fiesty’ appears to be an accurate description.
Once again I LOVE you!!!
its good to be loved.
Aaaahahaha! Mrs. Duggers vagina as a clown car??!!!? That visual is priceless… you kill me Big Dirty!
And I have to agree…. you NEED your own reality show: featuring you and your bearded roommate, Albert! Sure, the verbal exchanges are a little one-sided, but what Bert lacks in verbal ability he more than makes up for with his expressive eyebrow use and paw prods! You could do a whole season alone on studding him out! You two could rival the Duggers easy! I’ve seen his equipment… 18 and counting??? Psshhht! drop in the bucket! Make him earn that half a scoop of Delish!
I am glad you liked the descriptive language.
Albert would be a great side kick on a reality show! Kind of like Brian from family guy… only with bad breath.
I would so stud Albert out if I could… myself for too for that matter. Maybe he and I could be ship wrecked on an island together like Survivor or something. I just hope for Albert’s sake that food is plentiful on the island or he could lose a leg.
Brian drinks martinis all the time and doesn’t brush his teeth. You think HIS breath isn’t hot? I think Albert and Brian are more similar than you think.
Rachel I think Brian does brush his teeth because in the episode where Stewie beats him because he owes him money he is in the bathroom and I think he is brushing when the beating starts.
Besides martini on the breath has to be better than Albert… because you should see what he licks and puts in his mouth!
Wait a minute…this whole rant about reality TV being the downfall of humankind culminates with a conclusion of a pitch for *your own* reality show?!? I didn’t see that twist coming (even though I agree that would be awfully amusing).
I am no expert on literature but I believe they call that ‘irony’???!!!
If I ever get a show I will need a person to proof read for me… lol!!!
What’s with the Mork and Mindy picture? I never knew “Nanu Nanu” was Orkian for “gimme a little nipple stimulation”!!
Orkians are freaks for nipple play! Like Schnauzers and belly rubs.
I have been informed that the John and Kate couple is divorcing… that poor bastard John! Tapped it twice and he is going to be paying as though he hit 8 times!!! LOL!
They will probably have their own shows; “Kate & 8 are doing Great!” and “Two Job Johnny!”
BTW— just for the record… I don’t give a F*CK if you think you can dance either!!!
Bet you really hate the show “Dancing Your Ass Off”! I heard an rumor you’re an ass man… or is that just another one of those unreliable rumors?
Big Dirty loves all women and all the parts that go with them!!! I am strung out on them… and all the lovely shapes and sizes they come in. But there maybe some truth to the rumor that I am an assman!
Better to be an assman than to be an ass, man.