Just Get me Home… or somewhere safe!
Last week EZ, who is a buddy of mine from high school, came in from the west coast to visit his Mom at the beach. I was lucky enough to get down there along with my buddy Rat to visit him. We met at Lazy Susan’s and started knocking back beers and devouring a few trays of crabs. It never ceases to amaze me how it can be years since the last time I hung out with someone and we end up picking up our friendship as though we see each other all the time. I suppose that is how you can tell if you are really friends with someone. EZ, Rat, and I get all caught up with how our kids, jobs, and lives in general have been and then we switch gears to old stories. There is much laughter and a tad bit of embarrassment as stories are re-told from our youth. The lady and her daughter who were sitting next to us at the bar and over hearing everything left that night as changed people. At the end of the night we said our goodbyes and promised to do a better job of staying touch with each other.
I headed home and was driving on a stretch of road that I drive almost everyday and I recalled a hysterical story about a time EZ and I were driving the road trying to make it home from a party at Lerch’s parents’ house. We were out of high school and Lerch had a party at his parent’s house while they were away. It was all the usual suspects; Lerch, EZ, Rat, CC, Randy, Sugar Bear, AMc, Big Dirty and a host of other lunatics… I don’t think AC was there because he would’ve been in the Peace Corps then. At the end of one wild and smoky evening… EZ and I set out to go home. I remember he was unusually quiet as I squeezed my big ass into his Toyota Starlet. We were riding down this strip of road, sitting shoulder to shoulder in this little Toyota and EZ drives past the left turn that would take him to my house… no big deal I thought… he must be going the long way… as he passed the next left to my house I said quietly; “Uh… hey dude you gonna take me home?” With that all I heard was the shrieking of his voice and tires as the Starlet went across the center line and then came back and made an abrupt stop on the right shoulder of the road. I sat there with my ears ringing, fingers dug into the dashboard, and my ass cheeks clenched and gripping the seat cushion trying to figure out what had happened… slowly his voice became clear in my ears as he was barking at me; “Don’t do that… don’t ever do that… you scared the shit out of me!!!” Then as I made eye contact with him he said something I will never forget; “How long have you been sitting there???!!!” With a look of shock and fear I stated calmly; “S…Sin…Since we left dude.” It took about two Mississippi’s before it dawned on him that I had been with him the entire time and that I had not somehow run along side of the car and snuck into the vehicle while he was doing 45mph down the road. “This is bad”; he said. EZ has a great way of stating the obvious. “A disaster”; I followed. As we sat there for a minute I remember saying; “Dude just get us someplace safe!” EZ agreed. We decided that since EZ’s place was closer we would spend the night there. As we rode down the road I kept repeating; “I am still here… yup… still sitting next to you… still plugging along…” I kept that up until we made it to his house and parked. It wasn’t until we got inside… safe and sound that we were able to smile and joke about it.
This is one of those experiences that helped me realize just how lucky I was to have survived my youth… and how lucky I am that my children appear to be taking after their mother and not me!!! These stories are funny to reflect on because we all (or at least most of us) lived through them. There have been some losses along the way and over the years. Anyway I am glad when we hang out now things are much more tame… well sort of more tame… ok not really tame at all.
Tags: buddy, crabs, high school, Peace Corps, Toyota Starlet
really almost peep my pants with this one… classic
Dimples… is PeePing your pants anything like Peeing your pants… if so I would hate to guess what the extra “P” stands for!!! Thanks for reading!
And I am sure that taught you a great lesson, and neither you nor TV did anything like that ever agian. Right? Right?!? Oh, well. I do really wih I knew definitively who Rat, CC, Sugar Bear, and AMc were. Hmmmm….
CC, AC, and AMc are people’s intials…
Rat and Sugar Bear were affectionate nicknames for two of my friends.
All graduated with us and if you remember the usual suspects that I hung with I am sure you can come up with the names!!!
Feel free to email me your guesses.
I was pretty sure I proofread this, but obviously not. At least I didn’t peep my pants, I guess.
Many a night I often wondered how the hell I got home and woke up with bruises! Isn’t it great to have long time friends to reminisce with about our drunken days?
Racquel you are right… these stories are funny only because we are around to talk about them! It is nice to have lived long enough for these events to be funny!
Drunken bruises?!? OMG I completely forgot about those!
This story is too freakin’ funny… especially if you imagine the appropriate tires’ screeching sound effects and the Jeff Spicoli-esque tone of the conversation!! I peeped my pants too!
You no doubt get drunken bruises from picking fights when you have half a load on! Little Fiesty People are famous for that!
It was one of those strange nights… and stranger moments that stick with you the rest of your life!
Even the “Great Kristin” has one get by her from time to time!!! Welcome to the world of the imperfect.
Kristin btw– I am glad you didn’t PEEP your pants either!!!
Ha! I have a bazillion flaws, and typing is just one of them. It’s still just a two-finger process. That doesn’t sound right, but you know what I mean. And that comment from dimples was almost as funny as this post.
LOL!!! I can’t believe with all the writing you do you still type with two fingers. You are full of suprises.
Nah! I’ve never been in a drunken scrap before… although I will admit my mouth tends to “runneth over” when the cups have “runneth dry”!
Little bit of advice for anyone who may find it useful: Never let your mouth “runneth over” in a redneck establishment! It don’t take no one too long to figer out where all those teefs went!
LOL!!!