Poop There It Is

I spent a few minutes this morning scraping off of my car windows a light covering of frost. While I was doing that I noticed that one of the people in my development were walking their dog off a leash and the dog went up into a yard across the street and tucked its legs in and bowed its back to signal to the onset of what was no doubt the dog’s morning dump. The owner just kept walking while this big golden retriever crapped what looked like 2lbs of hot smoking kielbasa out on someone’s lawn. The guy never stopped to pick it up! The dude whose lawn got shit on has one of the nicer lawns in the neighborhood and does not own a dog. It is inexcusable that this grown ass man would allow his grown ass dog to just crap where ever and not pick it up.

As I watched the dog meander down the street after its useless owner I flashed back to an incident that happened about 12 years ago… I was once married to Mrs. Big Dirty. She was and remains a real HOOT! We lived in a little subdivision community and had children. It was a nice little development with great people living there. The only problem was the guy down the street let his LARGE dog out every morning to roam the neighborhood. A dog roaming around is no big thing to me however this animal had picked the corner of my sidewalk as his personal “dumping-ground.”

One day my son who had just started using his walker rolled his walker into a fresh pile of this dog’s crap. Mrs. Big Dirty was LIVID and in an effort to keep the neighborhood peace I decided to go and discuss the problem with the dog’s owner. I went down the street and told him that I had been scooping his dog’s crap up for a few months and that because my son was now mobile he was going to have to stop letting his dog wander the neighborhood and crapping in my yard. I felt really good about myself because it was a nice non-confrontational discussion and even though the man never indicated that he would stop I still felt good about myself. Rare personal growth had occurred!

Several weeks later as I was about to leave for the day, my wife and got into the type of argument that only she and I would understand. We really could bring out the worst in each other. I left the house with a resounding slam of the door and my blood pressure racing up to Stroke level. My ride to work was waiting and just as I started down the steps that freakin’ dog came walking across my path. He went right to “his spot” on my yard and did his daily deed. Rage might not be a strong enough word to use to describe my feelings at the exact moment I watched that dog crap in my yard. I watched as the dog finished and trotted back to his house where his owner kindly opened the door and let him back in. I went to the car where my ride was waiting and said very calmly: “Give me second and I will be right back.” I went and got a shovel and scooped up the dog crap. I then, fighting to stay calm, walked it down to the dog owner’s house and rang the door bell. When he answered the door wearing a bathrobe (what grown man has a bathrobe?!) I opened his storm door I put on my best smile and said; “Good morning, your dog dropped this on the way by this morning and I thought you would want it back.” I then slung the shit into his living room. It was if I had exercised a demon or the weight of the world had been lifted off of my shoulders. He began hollering and yelling but nothing could disturb me from my state of grace. God is really Good. I am smiling and giggling as I write this all these years later.
Picking up and “bagging” dog shit is not a fun thing to do… in fact only the retarded and totally deviant enjoy scooping shit. However picking up dog crap is a responsibility of dog ownership. It goes with the territory. It is just wrong to let your dog, no matter what the size of the dog, shit on other people’s property and not pick it up. I walk Albert (the schnauzer I live with) in the mornings and there are plenty of mornings (in fact every morning) when I don’t want to pick his crap up with the blue bag. Depending on what I was doing the night before it can cause me to gag and wretch a little. I still pick it up because it is the right thing to do. I own the dog and the dog shit that comes (or goes?) with him. I suppose the guy down the street is lucky that Big Dirty is older now and less impulsive… no… I suppose he is lucky his dog craps across the street and not in my yard.

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Tags: big dirty, dog poop, dog walking, dump